"gag order?"

whats the matter? cat got your toung, or is it someone/thing that has a "gag-order" on your big fat silly mouth?
LMFAO
sad thing for sure is it could probably have been very different if you would have just chosen to grow up and grow with your lover, not resent the hell out of her because she became healthy, both physically and mentally. And she also made a decision to grow up herself and not live a life of "shadows and mirrors", "smoke and fire", "drama, drama, drama"
My heart still breaks for you and your loss, it really does, however... due to my own "hard life" and the changes I had to make, I understand what it means when you feel so sorry for yourself that no matter what happens in life, its never your fault... you live to point fingers at everyone else for your pain...
You are in pain, because you choose to hold onto that pain. Let the pain go... you might be surprised just how much of life you have truely missed... how much of your own childrens life you have missed...
"It's time to wake up", smell the coffee, enjoy the sunrise and sunset, go and enjoy life once again... or maybe for the first time in your life!